Infidelity 101 – Everything You Should Know

What is Infidelity?

If you don’t know what infidelity is, you probably are in a better place than people who are actively searching about it. According to Wikipedia, “Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity”.

You could also refer to infidelity as cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful, or having an affair. Do you think you’re safe from this? Think again. Studies suggest around 30–40% of unmarried relationships and 18–20% of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity.

Who Cheats More?

Many people (especially the insecure) are curious to know about who is more likely to cheat. Are women more probable of going behind their partner’s back or are all men dogs? There are varying opinions on the topic.

According to Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and author of When You’re The One Who Cheats, there’s a reason to suspect that women maybe not only cheating more but also getting away with it a lot more often.

“But it would make sense that women are better at hiding their affairs. Traditionally women have faced harsher punishment for cheating,” said Nelson. “They have lost their financial support, risked the loss of their children, and in some countries even risked the loss of their lives.”

Men are no saints either. According to the U.S. General Social Survey, “Twenty percent of men cheat compared to 13 percent of women.” It’s come to a point where hearing about men being caught having an affair doesn’t come as a surprise. Some male celebrities having admitted to infidelity are Tristan Thompson, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and more recently, Kevin Hart.

Getting Caught

Tools To Catch Your Cheating Partner

According to sex therapist Candice Cooper-Lovett, “A lot of women in my practice have shared that cheating was something that you take to the grave with you because men can’t handle cheating in the way that women do, or are expected to.”

As per an ongoing survey, more women are getting caught having an affair as compared to their counterparts. More women may be getting caught cheating because more women are either admitting to infidelity and committing it in the first place. Why is that you ask? Because it’s not as dangerous as it used to be.

Men, on the other hand, are more prone to casual and opportunistic cheating. The opportunistic trait plays a big part in why they get caught. For cheating men, infidelity is evidence of foolhardy recklessness.

For women, infidelity can be a more thought-out plan. The potential costs of being sexually reckless are otherwise too high and can throw the risk-reward ratio out of proportion. Fact – intimate partner violence (one out of three women experience in a relationship at some point) is often triggered by infidelity.

It can be assumed that gender is not a good lens through which to look at the issue of infidelity. One common thing most people who get caught have in common is that they want to get caught – either on a conscious or subconscious level.

Reasons for Infidelity

Opportunity

It’s not uncommon for some people to have affairs when an opportunity is easily and readily available. The chances of cheating rise higher when the partner feels that they can get away with it rather easily.

Revenge

Getting caught having an affair isn’t the end of it. It’s far from it. Getting equal with a cheating partner can push even the most loyal of partners into infidelity. As someone once said, “sometimes revenge is the best revenge.”

The Internet

Before you roll your eyes, hear us out. With the advent of online dating apps, finding a ‘playmate’ has never been easier. It is much easier to find forbidden fruit online than it is in person. And people have been eating a lot of fruit lately.

Believe it or not, pornography can light the fire that eventually burns down a relationship. And if you’re thinking only men are affected by porn, you’re mistaken. Women suffer equally from the internet and porn addiction today as men.

Needs

This is a big one and has many perspectives. People who engage in infidelity might feel like they need –

“more sex”
“to get their partner more interested in them by stirring up jealousy.”
“to individuate themself from their partner”
“different kinds of sex from what they’re getting”
“more attention”
“to feel needed/special/powerful”
“to be swept away”
“excitement in their life”
“to prove that they can still wow the opposite sex”
“to prove that they are still seductive”

Preventing Infidelity

Be Open

Preventing infidelity is easier than what some people might think. The importance of frequent wide and deep conversations cannot be overstated for a healthy and long relationship. Not being able to share secrets, stories, and feelings with their partners can lead some people to open up to others emotionally.

This may or may not lead to a physical relationship, but emotional cheating is still a form of infidelity. You should allocate time for these conversations every week. A dinner date is a great place to reignite and rekindle the lost romance.

Sex

Let’s face it. There would be no relationship-ending “cheating” if there was no sex. Many people cheat because they have an unsatisfying sex life at home and their partner refuses to try new things. Nothing breads infidelity faster than a cold bed.

According to a study published in The Normal Bar, 52% of people who were unsatisfied with their sex lives would be tempted to physically engage with someone they were attracted to, compared to just 17% of those who were sexually satisfied.

Catching a Cheating Partner

The Phone

Most cheating partners operate their affairs through their phones. There is a high probability you can catch them no matter how careful they think they are. You should begin by checking the suspect’s texts, emails, call history, and media gallery.

Cameras and Recorders

If you think your honey goes about his dirty deeds when you’re not around, you could install spy cameras, baby monitors or voice recorders around the house. You could also bug their clothes or gift them an unsuspicious recording device that you always want them to carry along.

GPS Trackers

Nothing beats the trusted GPS trackers. GPS devices can be very discreet and discovering them in a car can be close to impossible. It can show you where they’ve taken the car, and for how long they stay.

Setting Up Your Partner

The last two things on the list should be your last resort. If you can’t catch your partner with the steps mentioned above but still have a strong hunch that they’re cheating on you, you could try setting them up with a non-mutual friend or a professional.

Hire a Detective

Hiring a detective can be an expensive affair but it is a foolproof way of determining if you have an infidel partner at hand. If your partner still comes out on the top, rest assured it was nothing more than a misunderstanding, and you should forget the entire escapade like a bad dream.