What does it mean to be an alpha male? In this article, we’re going to break the false narratives of what an alpha male is.
You’ll see exactly what it means to be an alpha male. By the time you’re done, you’ll understand the difference between alpha vs beta males and have a clear, path to becoming the alpha of your own life.
Let’s get started…
What is an Alpha Male: The Real Definition
The Alpha Male Kit
The term “alpha male” has gotten a bad understanding in recent years.
Pick-up artists, tough guys, and gym bros whose muscles have muscles have transformed the phrase to a point where it seems impossible to infer what it means to be an alpha male.
When most people hear the phrase ‘alpha’, their mind immediately conjures up images of a ripped bodybuilder with a fat bank account, a few models draped over his shoulders, and a palpable, aura of superiority with a dose of arrogance.
Alpha males are often thought of as “knuckle draggers”…domineering and condescending characters like James Bond, Jordan Belfort or Don Draper.
In the book The Score: The Science of the Male Sex Drive, Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky states that alpha males in other species operate differently than humans. Humans are more complex, Sapolsky says.
When we speak of human alpha males today, it may be that we refer to the trait of social dominance
Being an alpha male is all about being the alpha of your one’s life.
Throughout this article, I’ll be delving deeper into the alpha personality and alpha male traits, but for now, suffice it to say that the old views on what it means to be an alpha male are dead. It is time for men to evolve. To step into a new way of being and to develop a new relationship with themselves and the world around them.
Alpha Male Traits and Beta Male Traits: A Primer on What Separates the Alphas from the Betas
To understand how to be an alpha male and develop an alpha male personality and mindset, we must go beyond the esoteric and enter into the practical.
Beyond the philosophical, what does it look like to be an alpha male?
What is the difference between an alpha male and a beta male in day-to-day interactions?
After days of research on this topic myself, I’ve discovered that five core traits separate the alphas from the betas and, in this article, I’m going to break them down and illustrate them to help you understand exactly what it means to be an alpha male.
1. Alpha Males Are Assertive, Betas Are Passive
One of the key delineators between alpha and beta males is that alphas are assertive and betas are passive.
An alpha male knows what he wants out of himself and life and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it. He speaks his mind, owns his desires without shame or guilt, sets clear boundaries and speaks up when they are crossed.
If, for example, an alpha male was married and noticed that his wife was spending an exorbitant amount of money on his credit card, he would respond by first setting a boundary with his wife. He would explain their financial situation and would firmly but compassionately ask her to reign in her spending.
If, after making this new boundary known, his wife refused to forgo her midday shopping sprees and $25 mimosas, he wouldn’t tiptoe around the problem. Instead, he would confront her head-on and enforce the boundary.
Betas, on the other hand, are passive. They may know what they want, but lack the backbone to go after it. When confronted with conflict, they bite their tongue and nod, even though every fiber in their being is begging them to speak up. They may set boundaries, but they do so with timidity and trepidation. And, when a boundary is crossed, they do little more than hint at the problem, refusing to accept conflict and face it head-on.
Alpha males do not actively seek conflict. But when it arises, they assertively deal with it and move on. They know that passivity solves nothing.
2. Alphas Are Gentlemen, Betas are “Nice guys”
True alphas are kind to others. They are courteous, polite, and considerate (although they respect themselves first and do not allow others to treat them like a doormat).
Even though they prioritize their own well being–because they know that they cannot serve others without first taking care of themselves–they genuinely care about the needs of the people in their life and they want the best for others.
Betas, on the other hand, fall into “The Nice Guy Syndrome.”
Outwardly, they are almost indistinguishable from alphas…at first. They too are polite, kind, courteous, and considerate. But only when they believe there is something to be gained.
A beta male is agreeable to a fault. Attempting to get others to like him with “niceness”. He will agree with beliefs or opinions he doesn’t truly hold, go along with the crowd, and supplicate himself to earn the approval of others.
The true difference between alphas and betas is not their outward actions, but their inner motivations. Alphas are kind to others even when they have nothing to gain. Betas leverage a faux “kindness” to earn the approval of others and feel validated.
3. Alphas “Change or Accept It” Betas Bitch About It
One of the hallmark alpha male personality traits is that alphas take full responsibility for their lives.
They know that everything in their life and everything not in their life is their responsibility and no one else’s. This doesn’t mean that they believe everything is their fault. Life can be cruel and unfair and none of us can control what country, ethnicity, sexuality, or family we were born into.
And their response to any alleged unfairness is always the same, “What am I going to do about it?”
For example, if an alpha male loses his job due to workplace politics or an economic recession, he doesn’t waste time complaining, blaming others and wallowing in self-pity. He accepts what has happened, learns from his mistakes, and sets out to find a solution.
Betas, on the other hand, believe themselves to be a victim of their circumstances. They refuse to take responsibility for their life and will seek out any scapegoat they can find in hopes that they can avoid the painful truth that their situation is a direct reflection of their decisions. They will blame their parents, the government, their “ex-wife”, the weather…anything but themselves.
If a beta male were to lose his job, he wouldn’t learn from the experience. He wouldn’t attempt to figure out what he did wrong or how he could improve in the future. And he wouldn’t take ownership of his situation until the last possible second.
Instead, he would simply complain and blame the world around him. He would do anything…except to own what had happened to him and resolve to make a change.
4. Alphas Seek Genuine Connection, Betas Seek Validation
One of the easiest ways to determine whether a man is an alpha or beta is to watch the way that he interacts with women.
As the stereotypes suggest, alpha males are often popular with the ladies. Because they are on their path and living a fulfilling life this more easily allows him to share positive emotions with others because he feels good about his life and direction. They tend to have a magnetic allure that makes it easy for them to meet and attract high-quality women.
Unlike beta males, alpha males do not need validation from anyone, man or woman, to feel good about themselves. They go out to share positive emotions, have fun, and connect with others in value offering way.
Alphas will often turn down casual sexual encounters because they aren’t interested in sex for the sake of sex. Instead, they crave connection. They want to genuinely enjoy the women with whom they choose to share their time and their bed.
Betas, on the other hand, need validation. Especially validation from beautiful women. Beta males do not feel like they are “enough”. Think of a common “pick up artist”. They lack a sense of self-worth and constantly seek women who will validate them and make them feel like they are worthy as a man.
They don’t care about things like connection, shared values, and intimacy and crave validation so badly that they will suffer through hours of banal conversations and a few minutes of lackluster sex with someone they don’t like just to get it.
5. Alphas Trust Themselves, Betas Look to Others for Answers
Because alpha males take full ownership of their lives, they tend to develop high degrees of trust in themselves. Yes, they seek out expert advice, mentorship and have the humility to know when they need to ask for help.
For example, a young alpha male may find himself questioning whether or not he should stay in college. He consults his parents, teachers, and friends. But something doesn’t feel right. He knows that there is more to life than the classroom and decides to trust his gut, drop out, and pursue his entrepreneurial ambitions.
Seeing themselves as victims, betas do not possess this level of self-trust. Instead, they seek solace in the advice of others, allowing their family, friends, society, and government to tell them how to live.
They stay on a path that doesn’t fit them, get that soul-sucking office job, marry Jenny from finance, and have 2 kids…not because they want this for themselves. But because they were told that this is what they should want and blindly followed suit. There is nothing wrong with these goals, it just matters that you want these goals.
It’s important to understand that this concept of self-trust has nothing to do with arrogance or purported intellectual superiority.
An alpha male, for example, would not ignore the advice of successful entrepreneurs when trying to start his own business.
Rather, self-trust is about trusting your desires. Alphas turn to others for advice on how to achieve the life they want. Betas turn to others to be told what life they should want to live.
